The Cost of Care: Money, Migration, and Showing Up for Family

Your first interaction with money and your understanding of its importance shape many aspects of your life. It influences your overall relationship with money, from how you choose to make it to how you ultimately decide to spend it.

For those who didn’t grow up with much but had the fortune of exposure, quality education, and active imaginations, the desire to succeed and experience life beyond their immediate environment was paramount. The only way to achieve that was by breaking free from financial constraints and working hard enough to create the life they had always dreamed of.

But becoming an outlier and escaping financial limitations often brings new burdens. You’re now expected to show up for your loved ones, cover bills, and become the go-to person for anything money-related, whether it's advice or financial support. The African mindset often makes it feel like an obligation to help when you’re the most successful person in the room, and everyone around you needs assistance.

So, where do we draw the line between black tax, independence, and maintaining a relatively healthy relationship with money? 

In this article, we spoke to individuals living both at home and abroad to hear how they navigate the responsibilities of making money, sending money back home, and what financial obligations truly mean to them.

Sore, 27 — Lives in Lagos, Nigeria

Growing up, I always knew I’d have to figure it all out myself. Though I was surrounded by love and care, I understood that finances were tight. I was never treated like a burden, but I knew I didn’t have the nice things my friends had or access to the places they went.

At 17, I landed my first job and entered the workforce to support myself. It's been 10 years of non-stop working, easing my financial anxiety and slowly settling into the life I’m now comfortable with. But that comfort didn’t come without its challenges.

When people start to sense you have even a little more than they do, they want access to it, too. I’ve had my fair share of “billing” and have learned to set boundaries. Now, I only financially support those I consider truly important, and I’ve built a structure around it. Luckily, I’m also considered quite strict, so that helps.

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Uche, 31 — Lives in Lagos

I grew up in a household where most of my needs were met. My parents didn’t have much, but my father worked hard to provide for us. When I moved abroad for school, I went with the mindset that I had to fend for myself, and I created an air of independence around me. I wanted my family to believe I could handle things on my own.

The country I moved to was a small island nation in Europe, characterised by language barriers, a large student population, and limited job opportunities. I took on whatever work I could find, but it was barely enough to cover rent or meet my needs until I was lucky enough to meet a friend who stepped in to help.

Eventually, my dad found out about my struggles. He scolded me, then resumed helping me in all the ways I should’ve accepted from the beginning.

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Funmilayo, 27 — Lives in Australia

I don’t deny any of my privileges. My dad has money. But recently, life has started to stare me in the face, and I’m unsure what to do with myself.

For most of my life, he’s covered many of my living expenses and taken care of my bills. But I live in Australia, and my dad still works in Nigeria. With the state of the Nigerian economy and my parents' desire for me to “grow up,” my financial support has been reduced.

Now, I worry about money more than I ever have. I work, earn, save, invest, and budget, but this new reality is more uncomfortable than I’d prefer. I wish I could live without constantly worrying about money.

Fun fact, though? I really like nice things, and I still treat myself to them when I can afford to.

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Tope, 30 — Lives in London

Living abroad has taught me a lot. As Nigerians would say, I’ve seen shege. From visa issues and financial struggles to microaggressions, I’ve experienced it all.

I came from comfort. I spent much of my childhood travelling the world with my parents, enjoying the ease of international vacations—until I moved to England and tasted the bitter coffee that is adulting. The most bitter part was paying my school fees and rent during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Once you become an adult abroad, all your responsibilities fall squarely on your shoulders. You have to toughen up.

My relationship with money has changed drastically. Having lived in the UK for over five years, I’ve adopted some of their frugality. I’m now very hesitant to part with money unless absolutely necessary.

I earn a livable wage and am proud of how far I’ve come. But do I still want more money and an easier life here? Absolutely.

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Bukunmi, 40 — Lives in Lagos 

Growing up, I knew what poverty meant firsthand. I had what might be considered a personal relationship with it, and being a first child and first daughter didn’t make the experience better. As I grew older, I realised I had to break free from it. 

Luckily for me, life has been a lot kinder to me, and now I live what I consider a very comfortable life. Sometimes, I joke with my siblings that growing up poor has made me have a saviour complex. I hate to see people struggle, so I always swoop in to help solve their financial needs. My sister always says she knows she’ll be fine if she’s around me. 

It doesn’t feel like black tax to me, it feels like paying back. I don’t have scarcity mentality. Money goes and comes back. 

People, Money, and the Pesa Advantage

Navigating money, family, and responsibility isn’t always straightforward, especially when expectations are high and borders are involved. Whether you’re living abroad and supporting loved ones back home, or you’re in Nigeria sending money to family in another country, the pressure to show up financially can be constant.

But support shouldn't be stressful or complicated.

That’s where Pesa comes in. With access to multi-currency wallets and local and international transfers, Pesa is designed for the realities of everyday people. People who work hard, care deeply, and still want to live life fully without being slowed down by financial limitations.

Wherever your people are, whether at home or abroad, or on holiday, you can send, receive, and manage money in a way that works for you.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about money. It’s about people. And that’s the Pesa advantage.

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